Hey everyone,

First of all, Happy New Year! May all your dreams come true, whatever those dreams are. Think happy thought, be good at your job and all those other things people are suppose to say on such moments. I wish you all the best and stuff,... well you get the idea, right?

This year, I'm gonna try something new with the blog. Lately I've been making friends across the world, most of them speak english, so starting now, I'm gonna try and write the blog in english and dutch, so they can read it too if they want to. Well, at least now, they will be able to know what I've been talking about on the blog.

So you might wonder what I've been up to this last couple of weeks. Well, most of the time I was online, playing SHK (online game) and talking on TS to people from across the world. Having a laugh (needed that), being liked more and more (needed that too) and just being myself (damn, really needed that). Somehow I became a part of the group, even though I don't feel competely one of them yet, I'm gonna try to be an amazing friend for them, considering they have no clue what they have done for me already.
These people are so different, you have no idea, but yet they manage to go out and do their thing every day. They have confidence, faith in life and most of all, they are completely themselves all the time.

I know I told you guys earlier I could be myself up there, but there are some parts I can't show to anyone, not even them. I keep those things deep inside me, being too afraid to show how I really feel about it or just to simply loose them. They have no clue how important most of them are to me. I made an entire family tree though for Christmas, but I don't think they get the hint. They just thought it was meant to be just funny. And even though I know better, I let them believe that.

Another thing changed in this New Year. I have now said goodbye to Achilles for the last time. I've thought about it for weeks, but the rollercoaster of feelings was just too much for me. I felt more alone than ever, even though he said he loved me. He let me down, but mostly, I let myself down for believing in the illusion of us. So I kicked him off my facebook, promised myself I wouldn't contact him anymore, and so far I'm keeping myself to that promise. The people on TS do help, but even up there there's only so much they can take, so being myself to the fullest isn't possible anymore. The only choise I had left was take out that old mask I had laying in the back of my mind and start using it again.

I think those are the hardest parts of my life. Knowing when to let go, so I don't hold on for too long, and knowing when enough is enough, cause it gets me in trouble and in the end I always end up loosing people I care about. This year, I have to get better at being myself. I've made too many mistakes in the past, so I really can't mess this up. I like these guys too much for me to loose them, but mostly, I like the me I am with them way to much to lose her now.

I don't wanna be anyone other then me, even if that means I can't be her in the fullest anymore.

I love you all, Happy New Year, I'll come back soon to talk some more.

Kisses, Linnii